


Sandcastles Fall

by qu33nb33



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Families of Choice, Found Family, Gen, Human AU, Human Gems (Steven Universe)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 05:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17318744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qu33nb33/pseuds/qu33nb33
Summary: Sometimes when she was alone she would imagine it. Her guilty pleasure in her disaster of a life was nothing short of a family, of home, of her.But she was gone. And Amethyst was alone.At least, it really felt that way.





	Sandcastles Fall

**Author's Note:**

> human au in case you missed that tag! originally this was going to fit into canon but im not caught up so i just made it an au #lazywriterlife

 

Her mouth tasted ashy and dry as she struggled not to cry. 

Across the counter from her Greg stood in the kitchen and gave her a look that she couldn't quite decipher. It was somewhere between concerned and disappointed, and it made her feel incredibly small.

"You're so different now." Greg sighed as he rested his head in his hands, "You're an adult, Ams. Life changes as you grow up, you know? You can't hang onto the past."

Amethyst rolled her eyes and tried not to show how stiff her body went as he brought the subject back up. "Sure, Greg. Whatever you say." 

She really didn't want to talk about her feelings. 'Never had, never will' had become her motto and, even though it seemed to do more harm than good, she stuck to it stubbornly.

"I'm serious. If you're not going to talk about it then there isn't anything we can do." His voice grew angrier--probably as close to true anger as Greg could get--as he tried not to let her brush off what he said. "We're here for you, you just have to let us help."

"What good will that do? It's not like any of you  _care._ " She snarled at him, surprised by her own impulsive anger. "It's all about you, or Pearl, or Steven! Who cares about anyone else!"

She threw her hands in the air. "Poor Pearl misses Rose! Poor Greg is lonely! You guys are adults too, you know. You could try acting like it sometime." She sneered at him despite the way her heart pounded and her hands became sweaty. She didn't  _want_ to be angry but she couldn't bring herself to stop talking. She cursed herself internally as she watched Greg's expression change.

He looked at her, obviously hurt. "Amethyst..."

"I don't want to hear it, Greg. I don't. You guys think you're the only ones who miss her and I can't stand it. Then when someone else misses her you want them to open up. Who's example are we following?" She stood and started to walk away. "I miss Mom too! Just leave me alone!"

She slammed the door behind her as she stomped away, more bent on getting away from Greg before she could say something she regretted than anything else. She didn't  _want_ to fight with him, she just didn't know what else to do. It was only after she found herself half way up the hill that she had realized what she had said.

Only then did she start to cry.

\- - - - - - - 

She'd never visited Rose's grave. It was way too morbid for her to think about, let alone do. Instead she gazed out at the sea and sighed to herself. There, alone, was the closest she had felt to Rose in a long time. It was where she was, really. On the breeze.

She glanced around to make sure she was alone before she spoke.

"I don't know what to do, Rose. I'm so angry all the time and I don't want to be." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "I miss you. I wish you got to be around longer. I wish you got to see Steven grow up. I wish..."

I wish.

Sometimes when she was alone she would imagine it. Her guilty pleasure in her disaster of a life was nothing short of a family, of home, of _her_.

But she was gone. And Amethyst was alone.

At least, it really felt that way.

She ran her hand through her hair and huffed. "This is stupid."

Rose wasn't going to come back, and things weren't going to magically get better over night. Still, it made her feel a tiny bit better to pretend Rose was there. Rose would understand--or at least she hoped she would. Rose would pick her up and hold her and tell her that it would be okay.

Well, maybe Rose couldn't pick her up any more. But hey, it was already imaginary anyway.

"I miss you, Mom." She wiped her eyes as more hot tears fell down, "I wish I didn't feel so bad about it."

Rose was Greg's wife. Pearl's ex-partner. Steven's mom. Garnet's best friend.

She wasn't anything to Amethyst.

Except... She was. She had taken Amethyst in when no one else would. She had introduced Amethyst to Greg and Pearl and Garnet and had given her a family. It was because of Rose that she had Steven, too. And Rose herself was  _amazing_. 

(She'd heard some of the things Rose had done in the past, and she understood. Rose wanted to be a better person, and Amethyst heavily related.)

Despite all that, though, 'mom' had never been in the cards for her. And part of it was because Rose had  _died_ , of course. But another part was because Amethyst was scared. Scared to care about her, scared to admit how she felt to anyone, scared to... just scared. And it wasn't fair.

She sat there, perfectly still, for a while longer. She let her mind drift and sit empty for as long as she could stand.

"Amethyst?"

She'd heard his clunky footsteps and the flip-flop of his flip-flops long before she heard his voice, but his tone made her sigh.

"Hey, Greg."

He sat beside her and she could practically feel the awkwardness between them. She wondered which of them would break first.

Then she realized neither of them  _had_ to break.

"I'm sorry for earlier." She felt melodramatic, but it almost physically hurt to say. "I didn't mean what I said."

"No, no. You have a point. It's always about me or Pearl, isn't it?" He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "But the truth is, the rest of you don't really talk about her. It's hard to make it not about us sometimes."

She nodded, tired and ready to be done with the conversation. "Yeah, I get it."

It was quiet for a moment besides the squawk of a seagull overhead. She wondered if maybe she could get away with getting up and leaving again, but then he started to speak.

"She'd be proud of you, Amethyst." Oh no. "She loved you  _so_ much." He sighed and chuckled. "She said that you would be a good big sister for Steven, and she was right. You two understand each other, and you're a good buffer between him and Pearl. God help Pearl."

She laughed, weakly, at that. She knew Pearl loved Steven, but she was just too much for the boy sometimes. Amethyst understood both of them, which helped sometimes.

He placed an arm on her shoulder. "She loved having you around. You and Sour Cream were why she wanted to have kids in the first place." His voice broke when he said 'kids' and she promptly ignored it. "I'm sorry that I never thought about you losing your mom like Steven did."

"I didn't." She shook her head, "I--"

"Amethyst."

She looked at him with a weird sense of nervousness as he spoke. His tone had gone serious and intimidating, even though she knew she had nothing to fear from him.

"You did. I didn't say anything not because I didn't agree, I just... Never thought about it, I guess. That's on me, not you."  He looked at her with sad eyes and a sadder smile. "I'm sorry you lost your mom."

She froze for a moment as she processed what he said. It didn't take long, though, before she started sobbing again. She leaned into him and hugged him tightly as she cried her eyes out for the second time that day. That time, though, Greg was there, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"We'll be okay. I promise."


End file.
